These are, in my opinion, the worst films I've seen of the 21st Century. Anyone involved in the making, distributing or promotion of these 'movies' needs to be put into a fridge and catapulted across the New Mexico Desert.
Let me know what you think I've missed, Geezers.
Alice In Wonderland
This is actually the worst film I have ever seen. It annoys me when I read bold statements like that, but I promise you, apart from good CGI this film gets nothing right.
Pace, plot, dialogue, acting.. all is terrible!
It basically consists of Alice meeting CGI blue creatures for an hour and a half and them saying 'You're not Alice' then moving her along.
This culminates in her fighting a creature that British Literature prides itself on by NEVER being described. Yet here it is. In all it's Burton arrogant 'dark' glory..
To end, then Alice turns into some international corporate pirate on the recommendation of her recently jilted father-in-law! SERIOUSLY. Unreal.
A terrible, terrible film. There are only so many times Johnny Depp can wear a wig, mince around a lot and have a silly voice. This jumps that particular shark... and then some.
If you like a film where the only major plot point is 'Will Johnny Depp does a silly, poorly CGI'd dance' then go knock yourself out.
For those who love movies, AVOID at all costs!
Tron Legacy
Fans of the original will then adore this movie but, in my opinion TRON LEGACY suffers from the exact faults of the first movie.
The original had too many faults that were very hard to look past and this recent sequel suffers from the exact same. It's dull.
Whilst visually stunning (even surpassing Avatar) the light-bike scene and disk battle are too short. These short, entertaining scenes are then lost in a digital sea of dialogue and *YAWN* 'travelling'.
A set piece at the end saves the film from complete monotony, but it is only this ending that differs from the original. All in all, the set up and formulaic narrative of 'Real World/ Digital Games/Chats and bus rides/Real World' just isn't enough to make the movie fun as the length of the acts are stupidly muddled.
The Wizard of Oz parallel is a nice touch, going from 2D to 3D when our hero travels to the Digital World.. but other than that there's no real originality. The young Jeff Bridges? At times great.. most of the time however it looks like his Waxwork escaped and jumped into an Apple Mac.
Fans I'm sure will relish in what, in actuality, is just TRON turned up to 11. Next time, however, please add what every good video game needs.
Fun.
Man On Wire
Possibly the most unlovable Frenchman you will ever meet... and THAT is saying something!
Granted, it is an amazing feat, but EVERYTHING about this movie is awful. The editing, the soundtrack, the 'acting', the narration....
Seriously, don't rent this movie. Just watch Challenge TV for 2 hours instead as you'll probably end up being more gripped and involved.
Twilight: New Moon
(I was made to watch this by 'er indoors. Sold only by the premise that it was a film about Vampires vs Werewolves. Please excuse the fact that when I wrote this I was choking on my own anger)
Total, total garbage.
Nothing happens for two and a half hours.. unless you count a miserable girl who thinks 'being in love' means walking around with constant PMT looking at CGI wolves..which appear for about 10 mins in an over-long film.
Obv not being in the target demographic, I still viewed the first one as 'Teen movie'.. but jesus... this is a BAD film. No 'It's for teenage girls' excuses please... it's just a poorly made and acted piece of tripe.
Last time I checked.. a movie about 'Werewolves vs Vampires' should be exciting? Unreal.
Splice
Anything with a laughable rape scene should be avoided at all costs! 'Nuff said.
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